Department of Holiday Well-Being & Strategic Snacking

⚠️ Mock Public-Service Announcement
Department of Holiday Well-Being & Strategic Snacking

In accordance with long-standing Thanksgiving preparedness protocols, residents are hereby reminded to set all household bathroom scales back exactly 15 pounds at 1:00 a.m. this Wednesday night.

This annual adjustment ensures:

• A smoother, stress-free transition into traditional pie consumption,

• Compliance with national gravy-to-joy ratios, and

• The psychological well-being of anyone wearing pants with buttons.

Failure to reset your scale may result in unnecessary alarm, unfounded guilt, or the tragic refusal of a second helping of mashed potatoes—an act strongly discouraged by holiday authorities.

Please share this message widely to support a happier, fluffier Thanksgiving for all.

Stay safe, stay grateful, and may your waistband forgive you.

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