{"id":6396,"date":"2017-08-12T15:55:06","date_gmt":"2017-08-12T22:55:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/?p=6396"},"modified":"2025-12-06T15:57:32","modified_gmt":"2025-12-06T23:57:32","slug":"why-i-fight-back-against-bullies-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/2017\/08\/12\/why-i-fight-back-against-bullies-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I Fight Back Against Bullies"},"content":{"rendered":"

And Why I Refuse to Stay Silent.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

[Cris Alarcon.\u00a0WARNING: Adult Content]<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

When a Bully pushes me, I must push back. \u00a0My life depends on it!<\/p>\n

It does not matter if I am being bullied by a thug, a powerful elected office holder, or even by the local newspaper, I simply cannot not push back. \u00a0Many have asked me why I engage in public fights that don\u2019t directly involve me, and comes with a real cost to me personally.<\/p>\n

That is not an easy question, but rather a very painful question to answer. \u00a0It requires that I look back at my own formative years to understand how I developed this defense mechanism and why it is so strong in me.<\/p>\n

Many will recognize the signs of a \u201cSick Family\u201d and those that have been bullied, assaulted, neglected, or abused, you will understand the naked honesty of my words and how events early in my life shaped the person I am today, 40+ years later.<\/p>\n

I grew up in an environment of domestic violence, sexual abuse of children, and the incarceration of my oldest brother by the California Youth Authority before I started school. \u00a0By second grade I had been introduced to sexual intercourse, alcohol, cigarettes, and marijuana. \u00a0By third grade my mother had pancreatic cancer and I can still clearly recall the last violent fight that ended that marriage.<\/p>\n

Soon my sister was in a Foster home of friends in SLT while my mother, another brother, and I were on our way to Placerville to start again.<\/p>\n

I started at Gold Oak in 3rd grade. \u00a0I was often picked on for being new in a somewhat insular community. \u00a0But it was the bullying by another male family member, that turned into a sexual assault, that most affected my life.<\/p>\n

That was a secret I keep for almost 20 years. \u00a0That is also when I learned that I had to fight back. \u00a0The flight response no longer worked as I could not get away. \u00a0There was no other choices. \u00a0If I was to survive, I had to fight back. \u00a0Fighting back was self preservation.<\/p>\n

I had learned to trust no one, that no one would protect me except me. \u00a0That I had to be independent and self-sufficient. \u00a0In 7th grade another very traumatic event happened to me, the details I will omit, but it was another hard event that left me angry, hurt, bitter, and rebellious. \u00a0I drank heavily from 8th grade on and rebelled against authority in many ways.<\/p>\n

I now understand that this is far too common of a story. \u00a0Many reading this know too well the kinds of events, and the feelings I am describing. \u00a0I bring up these awful memories from past for a single reason, to give me credibility when I say that no matter how hard things have been, there is hope that things will get better. \u00a0Things got better for me when I learned to push back against bullies.<\/p>\n

I left my hometown with hate and fear, but found my love in college in SoCal. I found that I could trust again. \u00a0We have been a trusting, dedicated couple for over 25 years. \u00a0We both had rough childhoods, her\u2019s in south-central LA as an outcast that was beaten as often as she could be caught. \u00a0We developed very different coping skills as children, but they complemented each other as adults and we have had a wonderful partnership in life. \u00a0One I would not have believe was even possible from what I saw growing up, but I have lived it for almost 30 years so I know it does happen.<\/p>\n

In the earliest years of our relationship I brought her back to Placerville to meet my mother and sister. \u00a0I had to meet at my sister\u2019s restaurant because my newest stepfather said he would shoot her if she came to the house, because she was black. \u00a0At the restaurant a young family member of mine confessed to my wife that the same person that had assaulted me many years earlier, was now assaulting her. \u00a0Soon an investigation was started and soon thereafter he was imprisoned.<\/p>\n

That was a pivotal moment that changed my life. \u00a0I then realized that I had taken my own life back, but by keeping my secret, it allowed my brother to continue to hurt other children. \u00a0That is something I cannot forgive myself for allowing. \u00a0I know, as an adult in my 50\u2019s, that no child can be held responsible for keeping a secret like that, but knowing this intellectually, is no comfort to me.<\/p>\n

I will never keep a secret like that ever again.<\/p>\n

Two things are so ingrained in my mental makeup now that they are a subconscious reaction:<\/p>\n

Refusing to be Bullied;<\/p>\n

Refusing\u00a0to be Silent.<\/p>\n

I have taken that part of my personality and tried to turn into something useful on a greater scale, to help others. \u00a0I have positioned myself to have a high profile so that I can provide visibility to issues I care about. \u00a0Political, legal, or personal. I will not be bullied and I will not be silent. \u00a0I use my position to point out social injustice and to speak for the weak. \u00a0Because I was small and scared, and wished someone would speak for me. \u00a0So now I am proud to stand for them, even if I never knew them.<\/p>\n

My motivation for writing this is that maybe I can help someone. \u00a0Why now? The death of popular musician, Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. \u00a0When I read that Chester Bennington had apparently taken his own life, I knew I had to make a public response. \u00a0I liked some of his songs, and knew him as one of the few men to talk about being sexually assaulted as a child by a man, and how that continued to affect him in his adult life.<\/p>\n

I said early on that I gave so\u00a0many details to earn credibility. \u00a0So you know that I get it, I have been to that dark place. \u00a0So when I say there is hope, there is wholesome love, there are people you can trust, you can believe it.<\/p>\n

There is hope. \u00a0There is love. \u00a0There is happiness.<\/p>\n

Are you being bullied now? Ask for help. \u00a0See someone being bullied, step up.<\/p>\n

If you feel \u00a0you are being bullied by a government or regulatory agency, please let me know at\u00a0cris@inedc.com<\/a><\/p>\n

Also look here for more:\u00a0https:\/\/www.stopbullying.gov<\/a><\/p>\n

Get Help Now<\/strong><\/h1>\n

If you have done everything you can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked, or someone is in immediate danger, there are ways to get help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n

The problem<\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

What you can do<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n

There has been a crime or someone is at immediate risk of harm.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

Call 911.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n

Someone is feeling hopeless, helpless, thinking of suicide.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

Contact the\u00a0National Suicide Prevention Lifeline<\/a>\u00a0online or at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).<\/p>\n

The toll-free call goes to the nearest crisis center in our national network. These centers provide 24-hour crisis counseling and mental health referrals.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n

Someone is\u00a0acting differently<\/a>\u00a0than normal, such as always seeming sad or anxious, struggling to complete tasks, or not being able care for themselves.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

Find a local\u00a0counselor or other mental health services<\/a><\/p>\n

The\u00a0Mental Health and Addiction Insurance Help<\/a>consumer portal prototype can help consumers get to the correct resource to solve their Mental Health and Substance Use Disorder insurance coverage issue.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n

A child is being bullied in school.<\/p>\n

\n<\/td>\n

\n

Contact the:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Teacher<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    School counselor<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    School principal<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  4. \n

    School superintendent<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  5. \n

    State Department of Education<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    See more on\u00a0working with the school<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n

The school is not adequately\u00a0addressing harassment<\/a>\u00a0based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or religion.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

Contact:<\/p>\n