{"id":5365,"date":"2024-11-21T20:18:05","date_gmt":"2024-11-22T04:18:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/?p=5365"},"modified":"2025-12-03T18:21:49","modified_gmt":"2025-12-04T02:21:49","slug":"department-of-holiday-well-being-strategic-snacking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/2024\/11\/21\/department-of-holiday-well-being-strategic-snacking\/","title":{"rendered":"Department of Holiday Well-Being &#038; Strategic Snacking"},"content":{"rendered":"<p data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"95\"><strong data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"95\">\u26a0\ufe0f Mock Public-Service Announcement<br data-start=\"37\" data-end=\"40\" \/>Department of Holiday Well-Being &amp; Strategic Snacking<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"97\" data-end=\"295\">In accordance with long-standing Thanksgiving preparedness protocols, residents are hereby reminded to <strong data-start=\"200\" data-end=\"295\">set all household bathroom scales back exactly 15 pounds at 1:00 a.m. this Wednesday night.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"297\" data-end=\"330\">This annual adjustment ensures:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"331\" data-end=\"526\">\n<li data-start=\"331\" data-end=\"403\">\n<p data-start=\"333\" data-end=\"403\">A smoother, stress-free transition into traditional pie consumption,<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"404\" data-end=\"457\">\n<p data-start=\"406\" data-end=\"457\">Compliance with national gravy-to-joy ratios, and<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"458\" data-end=\"526\">\n<p data-start=\"460\" data-end=\"526\">The psychological well-being of anyone wearing pants with buttons.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"528\" data-end=\"722\">Failure to reset your scale may result in <em data-start=\"570\" data-end=\"589\">unnecessary alarm<\/em>, <em data-start=\"591\" data-end=\"608\">unfounded guilt<\/em>, or the tragic refusal of a second helping of mashed potatoes\u2014an act strongly discouraged by holiday authorities.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"724\" data-end=\"811\">Please share this message widely to support a happier, fluffier Thanksgiving for all.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"813\" data-end=\"874\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\">Stay safe, stay grateful, and may your waistband forgive you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Failure to reset your scale may result in unnecessary alarm, unfounded guilt, or the tragic refusal of a second helping of mashed potatoes<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4708,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18],"tags":[],"featured_image_urls":{"full":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown.webp",800,800,false],"thumbnail":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown-150x150.webp",150,150,true],"medium":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown-600x600.webp",600,600,true],"medium_large":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown-768x768.webp",640,640,true],"large":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown.webp",640,640,false],"1536x1536":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown.webp",800,800,false],"2048x2048":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown.webp",800,800,false],"darknews-slider-full":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown-800x720.webp",800,720,true],"darknews-featured":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown.webp",800,800,false],"darknews-medium":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown-720x530.webp",720,530,true],"darknews-medium-square":["http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Road_to-Hangtown-350x350.webp",350,350,true]},"author_info":{"display_name":"News 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tag\">LifeStyle<\/a>","tag_info":"LifeStyle","comment_count":"0","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5365"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5365"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5365\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5366,"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5365\/revisions\/5366"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4708"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5365"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5365"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.newsmolo.com\/EDC\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5365"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}